Authenticity

I want to explore a buzzword that's been going around for the past couple of years. What I have found is that when a buzzword is used collectively, it usually involves identity projection. What does it really mean to be your “authentic self”?

I want to explore three ways I have seen people around me be more authentic than usual. I say this because I feel we don’t really know what true authenticity, or another word that I feel describes this state, innocence, is. We have wrapped our being up in a package of distortion that keeps our authentic selves at bay. I sense that truly authentic people are rare.

One of the most profound places I have seen the authentic self emerge in others was spending time with my spiritual teacher. People would come to listen to him with their personas, but after spending time with him, their coverings would start to soften. As layers peeled away, what was underneath became more transparent. Each layer was still another covering, but closer and more real. Examples are some people who were overly helpful and attentive at the beginning became angry and reactive over time. Some people who dressed perfectly and always said the right thing started to come undone and became fearful of losing control. This was a more authentic place, but still was not who they were.

I always found the process beautiful, but finding your true self is a painful metamorphosis. This leads me to the second place I see truer versions of people. When people come to me because they are struggling or in crisis, they cannot hide anymore, and their defenses are down. They start questioning choices and realities. I fall in love with this process when someone opens up to me and shows me the rawness of their being. No more walls of insignificant stature that hold them up in pretenses. I don’t have to read between the lines; it's all there right in front of me. People don’t like being in this place because they feel vulnerable. My question is: why are we in a society where it is not safe to be vulnerable? Vulnerability is strength, not the other way around. When we think we are strong by hiding our vulnerability, we lose that sense of ourselves. Everything you start believing becomes based on a false structure you have to uphold. It just ain’t the truth anymore. Not to mention how draining it can be to hold up a weak structure.

The third place I have witnessed true authenticity is with my autistic son. He doesn’t even know how to lie. My son will put his pants on backward and inside out and be ready for the day. When I mention it, he replies that he doesn’t care. When he was younger, he loved to tell everyone he met that if they were over 50, they needed a colonoscopy. I’m the type of person who finds this behavior endearing. Still, if I see discomfort in the person he is talking to, I start making excuses for his behavior so they aren't uncomfortable, which is my own wrapping. However, I am uncomfortable when he states his likes and dislikes.

For example, when he goes trick-or-treating and rejects candy he doesn’t like. I was brought up always to accept what someone offers; not doing so is rude. So my whole body will cringe when he tells people he doesn’t like their candy.

Where I struggle is whether I start shaping him into my own wrappings, or if I let him reject what is offered. It is important to me that he realizes who he is without a lot of my input. He is ten now and starting to lose some of his “authenticity”. I think it can’t be helped. But as a society, when we throw around a word, I feel it is important to delve into its true meaning with honesty. For me, that might look like telling someone, I would love to show you my authentic self, but to be honest, I’m not sure what it is; maybe we can discover it together.